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It wasn't just her beauty. The others had all been beautiful. Each had struck me in her own different way, igniting some dormant passion inside me, awakening those urges, primal and raw. But with this woman it had been like a thunderbolt. And as I had watched her walking through the grocery store, minding her children, inspecting the foods on the shelves, seeming so ordinary, my passion seemed to treble, seeing that she didn't even know the power that she possessed. She was oblivious, walking through her life as an angel among the squalid rabble, and I could see the glares of those around her, the women glancing at her, noting her clothes, her body, scorn on their faces, envy turning into disgust, and it didn't touch her. She seemed impervious, drifting through the world like a beautiful phantom, touching everything, but remaining untouchable.Finally, she emerged from the store, her purse hanging from her shoulder, crushed between her arm and her breast, her long legs flexing. Ruth today, but still. As she watched the water fill the tub her mind was racing.Was her mother really telling her that when she uses the carrot to clean it real good? Like she knew what Linda was thinking about from their little talk? No, she wouldn't do that, all of her life she had told her to guard her virginity and keep it for her husband, and yet her mother told her that she took her own hymen at age 13.But wait a minute; she said she broke her hymen, and that she went to her wedding bed a virgin because she never had intercourse until her wedding night. Maybe it is like Dr. Ruth said, "You are a virgin until you have intercourse with someone." Then it hit her; boys are considered virgins until they have intercourse for the first time. So that had to go both ways as well.Today had been mindboggling to say the least. First, spending all day reading sex story after sex story. Then watching those videos of women being gang-banged, it was all porn. Going to see Dr. Harris before.
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